So I’m at the point where I need to either loose weight or buy a mumu. You know one of those large dresses that cling nowhere. Like I feel like I am cutting off my circulation trying to squeeze into the close that are way too tight. So of course when I lost weight before I had the bright idea to donate my clothes to a battered womens shelter as I grew out of them. I started at a size 22 and I went down to a size 10 so I donated lots of clothes and shoes. At the time I was thinking, “you can’t regain weight if you don’t have clothes to fit in”. So I was more than happy that I was able to give the clothes away. All I can say is THANK GOODNESS I kept of pair of “fat” jeans. They are a size 16 and are the only ones I can actually fit into as soon as the size 10’s became tight. So here is my problem all the clothes I have are nursing scrubs, one pair of jeans, and one pair of sweats. That is all that I can fit. So everyday I look like I’m pretty much always just getting off work. I have been trying to avoid buying new clothes at this size. I don’t even know what size that is right now. I just know it’s somewhere between not a10 and not a 16. So I am at the point where I either need to really get serious about loosing weight or to invest in some mumus.
Not a thin girl is back..and still not thin 06/22/2010
So I’m back now. I’m ready to get back on track…………….
So here I am back at the same place, with not as much to loose but with just as much frustration. So last year I joined spark and I went from 260 pounds to 169 pounds. It was a fun journey, I had more energy and it was nice to be closer to my goal. Then pretty much out of nowhere I had someone very close to me die suddenly of septic shock. It was pretty gruesome way to go, so it hit me kind of hard. Then I had an ovarian cyst the size of a baseball that had to be removed because it was cutting off my circulation (very painful), then mix that with the stress of my final year of nursing school and raising 2 small children. So I started going through a bad depression, and I started having bad anxiety. Long story short went to doc and got some anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety meds. They helped with the anxiety and the depression but I never felt satisfied with food. I was always hungry! At first it was okay because I hovered between 170 and 180 for about three months. Then woke up one morning and I was 190, then most recently 210 . But the problem with this medication, and yes weight gain is a side effect, is that it makes you so mellow that you loose that ump and that motivation to really want to loose weight. So that’s the problem where I should be running around working out and swearing off sweets, I’m still always hungry and like, “hey I’m only 210, not a big deal I’ll have more cake”. But I really enjoyed being thinner and I want to go back there. So despite feeling always hungry right now I’m gonna do it! I’m tapering off the meds, so that should help with my appetite. I think I will go walking today.
So even though I’m back here again, I will do it. I will loose the weight I regained and finally hit goal. This time around seems like it will be harder. But I am up for the challenge.